Apparently, emotions are, amongst other things, a by-product of all that goes on in your head. They are also, to put it bluntly, one of my biggest downfalls. When I look back on my life, I realize that mostly all of the dumbest and worst mistakes that I ever made were made primarily from an emotional point of view. Even now, I still tend to make decisions based on emotion rather than logic, hence the reason I find myself in boiling water more often than not. I have not always been aware of this. I guess this is just how God made me. And although right now it tends to be a weakness, in time, I hope to turn it into a tower of strength. Converting all that intense emotional energy into a positive force to be reckoned with is what I plan on doing. Somehow.
Meditation. There’s something about this that has me greatly pondering if I have finally found something well worth pursuing. If you are highly strung like me and have a tendency to live life on an emotional bandwagon, then seriously… try meditation. It’s been a month and a half since I’ve been practicing it, and already I can sense an awakening going on.
Initially, I thought it was going to be easy. How difficult can it be to sit in silence for one hour, think shining, positive thoughts and give thanks to the universe and God for all that I have? Piece of cake, right? Actually…no. Sitting down for an hour in silence is the simple part. Going inward, calming the inner tempests and attempting to hush the never ending noise within – different story altogether. And doing it every single day takes some diligence, too.
I make an effort to practice it every single morning. Previously, I was rolling out of bed at nine-ish, smoking ten cigarettes before lunchtime, and spending the day procrastinating and wondering how to get myself through the days that stretched ahead of me like a long cavernous yawn. Now, as soon as my eyes opens, I… …
…WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN. As soon as my mind is conscious enough, I say to myself that, no matter what went on yesterday, today is a BRAND NEW DAY!
…make me a coffee/green tea, wrap myself in my mink blanket, go sit out in the fresh crsisp air and make myself comfortable on the outdoor couch …relax the muscles. Concentrate on breathing. Attempt to clear the mind of all noise, voices, events, memories and anything negative. Think its easy? Prove me wrong.
…GIVE THANKS FOR ALL THAT I HAVE. Feel that thankfulness down to the tips of my toes…ATTEMPT to stay in this blissful state of mind for at least an hour I’m no pro at it, but its getting easier. As I keep stating, there is something that must be said for meditation. The connection between the emotions and the mind is more profound that I imagined. I find myself having a hell of alot more calmer days when I start my day off like this, and if I somehow ‘forget’ to do it, the difference is obvious, even if its just obvious to myself. The bigger picture, about life and about what I must do in order to reach a more fulfilling state of mind, is becoming crystal clear. And so it should. Because when you’ve managed to reach that lenient state of mind, there are no thoughts, no voices and no emotions clouding the reality. The inner waters that have thrashed about inside of me for as long as I can remember I am finally managing to bring under control. The negative self-talk within gets quieter. When it speaks, I’m actually fully aware of it and can now make an effort to stop it dead in its tracks. And the more I practice it, the more my perception – about the world, about the people around me and about myself – begins to shift.
‘…sitting down in silence for an hour is the easy part. Going inward, calming the inner tempsts and attempting to hush the neverending noise within, a different story altogether…’
If you ask me ‘so what’s this got to do with springcleaning my life?’ the answer is obvious – it has everything to do with it. It is the springclean and cleansing of a mind fogged up with so much baggage that it is, first and foremost, the one thing we must bring back into line if any of us ever hope to reach the level of success and happiness we yearn for. Its the core. The basic fundamental. The key to it all. Control the mind, control your life. Its either that – or your mind controls you. Sad, but true.
Its all in your head. Everything is. Its not easy, and I’ll be the first to admit that. But faaaar…when you think about it, what is???