I had a close encounter with death this morning. And it wasn’t the least bit amusing…at the time. I woke this morning at the ungodly hour of nine o clock, which is a world record for me, as I have trouble rolling out of bed at ten. After congratulating myself for improving my horrendous sleeping habits by at least one hour, I stumble out of bed, trudge my frame into the kitchen and, with coffee on the brain, flick the kettle on.
I decide to go outside to breath in early morning fresh air while I am waiting for the kettle to boil. It’s still kind of semi-dark due to overcast clouds, but in my just-woke-up-and feeling-kind-of-disoriented state, I am under the impression that it is six o clock in the morning just because it so happens to look like it. I know the early morning of the first of this month of 2013 has come and gone, but shit. No harm in pretending. I only imagine that it is six in the AM because I can’t remember the last time I woke up that early. I really can’t. I’m not sure what six o clock in the morning even looks like anymore, but I assume it looks something like this.
So then I paddle back into the kitchen, make my beloved coffee, then walk back out into the garage to enjoy the peace and the fresh air. And I didn’t notice it, slyly crouching down on the concrete. It was about the size of my thumb. To be honest, it looked like the fur off one of babies fluffy toys so I didn’t pay it much mind. And also, as I said up there somewhere, my just-woke-up-and-feeling-kind-of-disorientated buzz is still, at this point, very much valid.
And then suddenly it moved. And even though it was only a little piece of fur, I couldn’t have got a bigger fright if IT the clown jumped around the corner and yelled boo. I screamed a big fat ‘argggh’ and had to shift my weight suddenly, because I very nearly stood on the furry ‘thing’ with my barefoot. In the process, I almost sprained an ankle. And then my coffee decides to go flying out of my hand and, in a flurry to save it, I slipped, knocked my head on a nearby chair and manage to sprain my ankle anyway.
As I lay there, head kind of throbbing, coffee spurted all over me and all over the ground, I watched the ‘furry thing’ quickly make its way towards the table. In my messed-up state, it looks like it is laughing at me, the evil fur ball, and I am reminded of that tune in Halloween when Jamie Lee Curtis is getting ready to open the shower curtain. I stare at it, stand up, stare some more and think to myself what the fuck is that?
So I rush inside, grab a camera, rush back outside and take a pic of it. I’ve never seen anything like it. After taking the pic, I decide I’m going to put it in a jar and show Darkman when he gets home from work. Except when I come outside, Nescafe jar in hand, the fur ball has completely disappeared!
Which means that, until I find it, or until I drag every table, chair and couch out of the garage and hunt it down, baby probably won’t be going out there anymore, and I will probably take to smoking my cigarettes out the front of the house from now on.
I jumped on Google as soon as I had the chance and found out that this’ hairy caterpillar, or the Ochrogaster Luifer (its flashy name) are not as uncommon as I presumed. They have this thing where they spit venom, which isn’t as poisonous as, say, a Red Back sting. but it was still rather dismaying to read because there could possibly be one in our shed. They are everywhere in Australia, and that seems so odd to me because, in the whole six months I’ve been here, I aint never heard no mention of Hairy Catepillars. Redbacks, Huntsmans, toads and frogs yes. But hairy catepillars. No way. And ones that sting? Hmmm….okay.
Which brings me to the whole point of this post. It has nothing to do with catepillars by the way. If you know me by now, then you should know how unpredictable and wishy washy my writing can be. Hence the name, the yoyoblogger. I chop change subjects because I can. I chop change writing styles because I can. And because, well, because it is MY BLOG.
So anyway, hairy Catepillars, that was just sort of the instigator. GOOGLE is the topic. After the hairy catepillar incident, and after reading up about five Google-fied posts about hairy caterpillars, I got to pondering about Google because in all the time I have owned this laptop (3 months coming up) it strikes me that my Google does not know me. At all. So I spend a good twenty minutes this morning fooling around with Google, and laughing and clicking into links I’d never been into before, and continuously being baffled because of the Auto Suggestions that jumped out at me. I was going to upload screenshots, but the picture was too small. So I am just going to write them out instead. Because, as I said…it is MY BLOG.
WHAT I TYPED – FAT…
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – FAT, SICK AND DEAD….(about a man called Joe Cross. Was rather inspiring)
WHAT I TYPED – DUCKFACE
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – DUCKFACE SPAGHETTI…??? (not an actual recipe. More like girls doing the duckface…while eating spaghetti. The mind boggles huh?)
WHAT I TYPED – CREEPY
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – CREEPY PASTA (holy shit, a site about creepy stories! On another note, nothing whatsoever to do with pasta)
WHAT I TYPED – WEED
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – WEED BROWNIES (a first thumbs up. Must try this recipe one day)
WHAT I TYPED – INTERCOURSE
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – INTERCOURSE TIMING CALCULATOR (no you won’t get tips on how to last longer when having sex…but you might get pregnant?)
WHAT I TYPED – SLUT (I was bored, okay)
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – SLUTWALK PERTH (Woman in Perth walking to raise awareness for sexual assault victims. Wow. Gives the word ‘slut’ a whole new meaning)
WHAT I TYPED – IN NEED OF LIFE
WHAT GOOGLE FIRST SUGGESTED – THE FIVE NEEDS OF LIFE (food, water, oxygen, living space, proper temperature. A Q&A WIKI thing. Not the exact ‘needs’ I had in mind)
Conclusion? Google, you don’t know JACK about me boy! BUT interesting links I found nevertheless.
I really, really need to get out of the house more.