From what I’ve seen in movies and read in books, its usually a powerful, moving, unforgettable or defining moment in your life, like a near-death experience, that motivates you to wake up and smell the coffee and make the most of your life before you cark it. So I’m not entirely sure a screaming match with my man (which could have ended in a boxing match) counts as a ‘defining moment, seeing this has only taken place like a zillion times.
Guy gets drunk, and suddenly the ‘feelings’ come out. Starts ranting about how much I don’t ‘respect’ him , and tells me, yet again, to fuck off. Girl reacts by throwing butter at his head, which conveniently misses its target and ends up splattered all over the wall. Guy picks up whats left over of the butter and flings it back at girl, and what do you know, girl gets remaining butter splattered all over arm. Guy wakes up the next morning, apologetic, sorry, remorseful – and says the words that girl has heard about, oh, only a thousand times – ‘i didn’t mean it.’ Girl doesn’t talk to him, and three days later, guy is probably beginning to feel like casper the ghost.
Edited PG version of the events, by the way. Girl still can’t believe that, after all these years, she is still putting up with this shit. She just can’t seem to leave this fella alone, even though its pretty obvious to kingdom come and beyond that the dude brings out the worst in her. And that it is never going to change.
“Girl still can’t believe that, after all these years, she is still putting up with this shit. She just can’t seem to leave this fella alone, even though its pretty obvious to kingdom come and beyond that the dude brings out the worst in her.”
Yes I’m talking about us – again. The other morning, still hurting from the nasty words that spill from the mans mouth after hes gotta few in him, I caught myself in the the mirror as I was getting dressed for work, and automatically started singing the tin man’s song – ‘if I only had a braaaaain.’ Because for real life, where is my brain at?? Why do I believe after thirteen long years that this will ‘never happen again?’ Why do I get lulled back into a false sense of security, only to be let down yet again. Darks aint a bad guy. Let me just state that as fact. Hes an awesome dad and a good provider. But like every other tom dick and harry, and contrary to what others believe, he DOES have a bad side. And that bad side coaxes the evil out of me easily…too easily!
I don’t like the person I become when I’m angry. Shes bad-ass, and not in a good way. And I’m not just talking about throwing butter either. Ever seen a butterfly??? Ahahaha. But seriously, I’m talking about words. Once you throw those out, they can never be taken back, and karma has probably got something in store for me in that regard. Words have always had the potential to hurt me worse than a punch to the dome. But even worse is my mouth because, when it gets going, it can be just as bad as a punch to the dome too. At times I think its a miracle that me and Darks are still together after all the nasty shit that we have said to each other. But I guess thats just how relationships roll.
“Deep down in my heart of hearts, I already knew, and probably have known for a long time – that there was nothing to talk about. There was nothing that we would have said or discussed or compromised that we hadn’t of already said, discussed or compromised a thousand times before.”
Following these bust ups, I become the ultimate evil personified. I purposely become nit-picky, snarky, bitchy, and downright difficult because that has always been my way of punishing Darks after he goes off on a drunken rant. But it was different this time. Three days passed and even though you could have sworn it was just me and baby in the house, and Darks really was Casper the ghost, I just…well, simply put, I just didn’t care. On the third day, I found I’d gone totally blank. I approached Dark when he got home from work the other day and was all ‘how was your day’ as if I didn’t throw butter at his head or treated him as if he didn’t exist for three whole days in a row. He responded with a ‘good, mubs, how was yours and babies day?’ and that was that. Over with. Life carried on as per usual. I was waiting for the ‘we should talk about this’ topic to come up…but it didnt. Deep down in my heart of hearts, I already knew, and probably have known for a long time – that there was nothing to talk about. There was nothing that we would have said or discussed or compromised that we hadn’t of already said, discussed or compromised a thousand times before. It would have been like playing a scratched record. I felt so blank it was weird. Not entirely sure whats up with that?
Its like I’m not worried about fixing us anymore, and if that ain’t a defining moment, I dunno what it is.
Gone blank. Completely blank. Honest…there’s just….nothing…???